“If I spend $10 going home, then I won’t have enough money tomorrow to go to lunch with my friends,” I started thinking as we got dressed, starting to plan my escape. Then after five seconds, “Shit! I think I didn’t unplug my straightener before leaving, and my roommate is not coming home tonight.” I was about to tell him I needed to use the restroom (because I was secretly planning to call the RA just in case) when he said, “Is everything okay?” to which I simply nodded. He reached out, probably wanting to go for round 3 but I slyly rolled my eyes and yawned while moving to the other side of the bed, as far away as possible. He got the hint, and I thought to myself, “Why am I here in the first place?”
Doing the walk of shame in heels in the hilly city is a traumatic experience, especially when it’s 6am, it’s cold, and with no money Uber is not an option. To be honest, I wouldn’t call it a walk of shame since I’ve been seeing this guy for one month, but the truth is I wasn’t really that into him or into the relationship for that matter. When I really thought about it, I only started seeing him because my boyfriend cheated and I felt lonely and sad but is that reason enough to be with someone you don’t want to be with, in the first place? There are infinite reasons why we keep dating someone we don’t like, and it can come to a shock to realize we are currently in one of those categories.
Like me, you only stay with the rebound after being cheated on because you want to feel wanted and needed. You’re hurt, and basically, you’re looking for a rebound to reassure you. In a way, you’re using that person as a sort of blocking mechanism because you don’t really want to face the fact that you’re heartbroken. Even if you don’t like the guy, you want to be around him because it makes it easier to avoid what’s really going on. Although this can work for a while, especially if the sex is good, the truth is you’re only extending what’s going to happen sooner or later. At one point, you’re going to feel bothered or annoyed by this person, Still, most importantly, you’re going to feel like something is missing and even end up looking at yourself in a different way for putting yourself through a situation like that. You’re doing things because you feel you have to instead of wanting to.
As crazy as it sounds, women want recognition and power, but some try to get it in the way of social status by dating. They want to be with someone that represents power just because of what they embody, but not actually because they really like them. They want to be with that person because of the value they add to them, which ultimately ends in people seeing them differently, too. All they are looking for is to feel important and hold a sense of power over those around them as well.
Where’s the money, honey? Some would call them gold diggers because their only goal is money. They don’t really care about the status or sense of power, they just want to see the bills, and that’s enough reason to make them stay. Money can be a powerful motivator, especially when you’re able to close off your emotions and pretend like there’s nothing wrong, but for how long can one keep up the charade?
You literally have nothing else to do, so you start seeing anyone. Maybe you’ve been single for a really long time, and you suddenly want to get attention and feel close to someone again, whether that’s physical or just through dinners and random conversations. The truth is, whenever we have too much free time, our mind wanders anywhere, especially when you’re single. You just want someone to spend time with and maybe have sex. You might not really be into that person, you’re only into the idea of what you guys do together, and you’re passing the extra time you have in your schedule.
We’ve all been there. You go out, and all your friends are making out around you, and it sucks. You might start dating because you don’t want to be the only single person left in the group. You’re tired of being the third wheel, no matter how much your friends say you’re not. Basically, you just need someone for specific circumstances like date, dinners, parties, etc.
Maybe the sparks are gone, but for some reason, you are still stuck in the relationship. You’re used to the person, and you don’t want to mess up your daily routine. You feel balanced and mentally safe in your current relationship, so you’re trying to avoid anything unexpected. You’re the type of person who’s scared to take a leap of faith when it comes to exploring something new. Being too comfortable can stop you from experiences and people who can change your life. A control freak might need this kind of comfort and secureness since they don’t embrace uncertainty.
This is the situation where you feel like you can’t do better. In your mind, you think that the relationship you’re currently in is the best you can get. The worst part is, even if the relationship is toxic, you stick around because you feel like they are doing you a favor for being with you. Having low self-esteem contributes to you thinking less about yourself when it comes to others. Some might even think, am I more valuable when I have a partner? Is there even a market for me? What if no one is trying to date me? All these questions only make you doubt yourself when the truth is if you don’t like yourself, why would someone else like you?
Sometimes the sex is just too good. Maybe you were dating, then broke up, but ended up hooking up after, and the break-up sex was worth it even if you don’t want to be together. You know what you both like, and the break-up aspect just fuels the sex even more. Then the feelings that are still there, resurface, and you find yourself in that relationship again, even if it’s just not meant to be, and you know that. There’s the other situation where you both started casually dating, started hooking up, and then realized the sex made it so you two had a connection that was misunderstood as relationship-type feelings. Now you’re dating, mostly because of your sexual connection, and you know that you don’t want to be with him. The more you two hang out (that’s not sex), the more you realize you just don’t like him. Maybe it’s his personality, or you two are just too different. But the sex ugh!