After watching countless YouTube videos on how to manifest a text from your ex and asking yourself, “what am I doing wrong?” without forgetting the meditative music playing in the background, it’s no secret that the breakup package includes tears, nostalgia, frustration, denial, anger, and disappointment.
“It’s not you, it’s me” or “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” seems to have the opposite effect on us, it makes us want to cry even harder. When things suddenly go in the opposite direction, we tend to blame ourselves for no reason. We question our personality, physical appearance, and sense of confidence, letting that particular situation define us as a person instead of looking at the bigger picture.
If all of a sudden, our daily routine gets altered and the person we were committed to seem to be more than a thousand miles away (physically or mentally), our mind – our worst enemy – wanders to what went wrong and what we could’ve done differently. But the number one thing that seems to hunt us wherever we go is if we were good enough. It’s a continuous dance without a sense of rhythm where we are constantly moving without getting anywhere.
Breakups are a nightmare. I’m not going to sugarcoat the fact that it takes time to heal, but it all starts with yourself, the “mourning process” isn’t meant to last forever. Don’t think about the “what ifs” and embrace what’s right in front of you. The end of something means the beginning of something else. I know it’s easier said than done, right? But who else is going to do it for you? Sadly, no one.
Even though it’s hard to believe, a breakup is one of those life lessons meant to help us redefine our identity without a partner while embracing our pain and getting excited for what’s coming next.
You learn what you don’t want in a relationship.
Whether it’s someone that gives up easily or doesn’t dare to speak up when things get tough, you realize the importance of self-respect. You start setting boundaries on what you expect when it comes to a relationship, so you know what you will and won’t tolerate when it comes to your next romantic affair.
You stop romanticizing the past.
We’ve all been there. Going through texts, photos, and DMs as a way of holding on to what it was but isn’t anymore. We travel to the past as a form of coping mechanism to avoid getting in touch with our feelings and accepting our reality. It’s painful but necessary. See it as a detox; it will shape you into a fierce version of yourself where you will always keep moving forward no matter how slowly you go or the circumstances you’ll find yourself in. Instead of looking at what it could’ve been, you’ll know it wasn’t yours, to begin with.
You embrace the unknown with a positive state of mind.
Making room for something new is scary, especially when you have no clue what’s coming next. Going through a breakup forces you to get in touch with what you’re feeling while teaching you to let go. The mourning process includes a stage of denial where we refuse to accept what life has unexpectedly thrown at us; however, once positivism sinks in, it becomes the magnet to start attracting better. This is when you realize you’re allowed to grieve, but you also need to boost your confidence and not let your pain close you off to others. Get excited about what’s coming and stop crying for what’s gone.
You learn to trust your instincts.
Unfortunately, there’s no specific guideline on how to avoid getting heartbroken. Every relationship is meant to have a specific purpose, but it’s up to us in how to handle it. Only you know when things are going off track, and we tend to ignore the red flags instead of bracing for impact. Once you get to the end of the mourning stage, you realize your gut feeling was right more often than not. Instead of pushing those feelings aside, you start to rely on your sense of judgment heavily. That’s when you start listening to your inner voice and making wise decisions ahead of time.